I'm just about three weeks out and things are getting crazy. I had hoped to slow down and really rest a couple of times a week when I am temporarily kid free. Thus far that's only happened once. I'm taking some time today and it feels great. The rooms are swapped and painted and I'm making a lot of progress on my to do list.
I did have a bit of a scare a couple of days ago. I felt off all day. I can't really describe how I felt except to say that I felt wrong and that I needed to lie down. I have been having contractions like crazy for a while now, but that day they seemed to get worse in the afternoon and a lot more painful. I started timing them just to see if there was any pattern. I was alarmed to see that they were coming every 7-12 minutes and persisted for the bulk of the afternoon and into the evening. Mostly they would happen when I moved, so eventually I forced myself to lie down. They never got worse or more frequent than that, so I went to bed and felt better in the morning. But it was a bit scary because I still had so little done to prepare. I was literally packing my bags wondering if I was going to turn around that night and go have this baby.
I've been really happy this week, except for one major meltdown. I did spend the better part of a day crying but it was my first real meltdown in my last trimester, so I'm okay with that. The hardest part was just trying to explain to the other kids why I was crying. A 10 year old girl doesn't really understand that sometimes mommies just cry even if nothing is wrong....this leads to lots of conversations on hormones. I was able to hold a newborn a couple of times and that really perked me up. It's getting so close now and I'm really starting to get excited. I'm interested in knowing what she will look like. Thus far, every one of my kids looks distinctly different so I'm curious to know if she will have her own look or resemble a sibling. I am also curious about her personality.
I'm happy to say that I'm not fearing the birth. My fear of childbirth actually increased with each successive child. I would think that would not be the case, that my experience would allow me to feel less fear. Through my first four pregnancies, though, this was not how it happened. However, with this one I am not afraid at all. Perhaps experience is finally kicking in to let me know that I will get through it and it will all be over (hopefully rather quickly). It feels great to know that we will get through whatever comes and life will go on.
It's nice to feel happy again and I'm hopeful that it lasts. I'll try and write a time or two more as I get closer. Today I'm going to try and finish my to do list. I'm down to things like posting the kids schedule on the fridge (so dad can get them to school and what not...I'm hoping to get the kids to do their homework early each week because I doubt it will get done with dad in charge). I still have to finish packing, and make up some numbers of people to call, etc. Then we will start the countdown. I was early with my last two and am thinking I probably won't go the full 40 weeks with this one either, so I'll keep you posted. Thank you guys for all of your support and love through this pregnancy. I can't tell you how it has helped me