I've heard women describe pregnancy as a wonderful experience, something that is just so natural. That's the word I've heard again and again, 'natural.' I envy women who feel that way and I hope I don't offend anyone when I say that my experience with pregnancy has been the most foreign, unnatural experience I have ever had. It gets more familiar with each child, but never has it felt 'natural' to me. I would use descriptive words such as foreign, invasive, bizarre, or unnatural. Unfortunately, I'd even take it a step further- when my babies start moving around, I'm often reminded of the old movie Aliens and can't help but wonder if some strange being is about to rip itself out of my abdomen.
I'm sure people are shocked and possibly offended by my saying this. No doubt sermons about how Godlike and perfect the ability to procreate are running through their heads. These are principles I understand, but I also think that we sometimes need to step up and admit that we don't all come from the same mold. We all experience things differently. And if you feel pregnancy is natural, then you can own that and I will try and understand how you feel that way...when my experience is so vastly different. Pregnancy is a wonderful and beautiful experience. I in no way mean to diminish that. But I also don't want people feeling bad if they don't take to it like a duck to the water. On another note, I'm flying to L.A. this week for my best friends wedding. I'm honored to be her Matron of Honor. This has brought up, however, some interesting challenges. For one thing, how does one forecast one's dress size while pregnant and have it fitted without being able to go to any fittings? In this case, we guessed really big to guarantee it would fit over my belly. She mailed it to me as soon as it was ready and I had three weeks to have it altered to fit. That caused me a good amount of worry. I've already learned that I'm a worrier. If there's worry to be found, I will find it, mull over it, feel anxiety from it, and possibly lose sleep while I'm at it. However, I'm happy to report that I now have a great dress and can't wait to hobble down that Isle. Leaving my kids is always hard. I miss them terribly. I worry about them (repeat previous section about worry here). There's a small part of my brain that is telling me I'm about to have baby number five and should take this long weekend to relax and enjoy myself. But how does one turn off the worry? On a smaller and more vain note, I've reached the point in my pregnancy that I usually don't allow people to photograph me; no need for physical evidence of my appearance from here on out. I'm having to put my vanity aside and accept that I will forever be documented in her wedding album as having a double chin. Oh well. It's not really about me anyway, so I think I can let that one go. Maybe. :-) So after my trip it will be time to get down to business and prepare for this baby. There's a lot that needs to be done, including swapping the boys and girls bedrooms. I'm excited to get to it....because I'll never know exactly when this little monster will be ready to burst out.
2 Comments
8/23/2012 05:27:13 am
You don’t have to worry about not having the “natural” feeling during pregnancy. Some women really experience that differently, even if they have been through a few pregnancies before. What is important is you deliver a healthy baby. Just stay positive that everything is going to be alright.
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9/3/2012 05:45:51 pm
All contents were expressed in a clear n simplified manner n it was meaningful too. You are a marvelous writer. Good work!
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AuthorI am a stay-at-home mother of four, currently expecting my fifth child and couldn't be happier...or maybe it would be more accurate to say that I'm very happy with what I have. Archives
December 2011
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